How not to Conduct Yourself in a Movie Theater

Going to see a film in a movie theater should be an enjoyable experience for all attending.  In order for people to have a comfortable and pleasant viewing experience, I have included a list of movie theater misbehaviors that tend to irk people:

1. Do not talk.  Movies are for viewing.  You do not need to talk to the boy who brought you to the movie about how the captain of the football team is going to fall in love with that girl.  When the demon in the scary movie comes out from under the bed you do not need to tell the person sitting next to you that it was so scary.  They already know that.  You can discuss the movie with your friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, parents, or grandparents when the movie is over. 

2. Do not bring babies.  Babies do not understand movies.  Leave them at home with a sitter.

3. Do not kiss.  People go to the movies to actually watch a movie, not watch two adolescents eat each other’s faces.  No matter how romantic, emotional, scary, of funny a movie is, you must resist the urge to publically display your affection for one another in a movie theater.   Save the bad make out sessions for the car in the dark parking lot.

4. No not overreact.  No matter how scary that demon is, do not fling your ice cold cherry slushy onto the person sitting next to you.  Let’s face it.  You can tell when something scary is about to happen.  The infamous music starts to play, the protagonist walks into the dark basement all alone, and the door mysteriously shuts.  Prepare yourself.  Set down your drink or your bag of popcorn.  Close your eyes.  Plug your ears.  But do not shower your fellow movie viewers with hot, buttery popcorn. 

5. Do not go to the bathrooms.  Take care of all that before the movie starts.   It’s distracting.

6. Do not use your phone.  “Please be quiet and courteous to others and silence your cell phones now.”  There is a reason movie theaters display this ad.  No one wants to be watching a movie and then they see a bright white light coming from three rows ahead of them.  Then they miss the superhero saving the girl.  Or even worse someone’s cell phone starts to ring and you miss the gangster threatening to kill one of his suppliers.  Turn your cell phones off.  I think you can be out of touch with society for two hours. 

7. Keep your bodily functions under control.  No not burp, belch, fart, or otherwise pass gas in a public theater.  Please spare the people sitting next to you.  After all a movie theater is a confined space.

8. Do not leave trash.  This is for the employees.  After the film is over and you have conducted yourself in a respectable manner while you were viewing the movie, deposit your trash into the conveniently located trash cans by the exit.  I’m sure it is not enjoyable for an employee to have to pick up half eaten boxes of candy and sticky slushy cups up off the floor.