How NOT to impress your Girlfriend's Parents

                Impressing your girlfriend’s parents when you first meet them is not a hard task. Boys are often times just too stupid and ignorant to get it right. In reality, it’s quite an easy thing to do. The key is to keep things simple and not be an idiot. Following a few simple guidelines will ensure a good first impression.

                So, theoretically, the front door of your girlfriend’s house opens, and there you are standing face—to—face with the birth givers…

Tip 1: Do NOT tell the full truth. You’re an average teenager, and parents know what the average teenager is all about, but they don’t need to hear it. Whether it’s about clothes, interests, or whatever, it does not have to be 100% true. A little white lie on the first impression never hurt anyone. 

Tip 2: Do NOT wear the clothes you actually like. You may think you have a cool “style” or “look”, but you don’t. Not to the parents at least. Wearing that old, dirty hoodie that everyone knows you by is a big mistake. And all that brightly colored, retro, alternative crap you teenagers wear nowadays, leave it at home.

Tip 3: Do NOT check out your girlfriend’s mom when you first meet her. Her boobs are NOT her eyes. You are an insignificant teenage boy who could never get near a woman like that, so forget about it.

Tip 4: Do NOT check out your girlfriend’s dad….ever…

Tip 5: Do NOT walk in the front door slouched over and dragging your feet. You are their daughter’s boyfriend, not her pet sloth. 

Tip 6: Do NOT talk about yourself unless specifically asked to by the parents. You are a teenage boy who does stupid, unexplainable things. Anything you say will probably just dig yourself into a hole. Again, never tell the full truth. 

Tip 7: Do NOT enter the home, sit down, get food, or make any sudden movements unless directed by the parents. You are the peasant and they are the royals. 

Tip 8: Do NOT go into detail about why you like their daughter. Teenage boys do not actually know anyway. If you do end up expressing your love, it will sound like a Barry White song has tragically come to life. 

Tip 9: Do NOT allow any “funny body noises” to be made. Do not fart, pee, burp, spit, or make that damn fart noise under your armpit. 

The final and MOST Important tip: Do NOT be yourself. Teenage boys have bad intentions and dirty minds. You’re not something special, so don’t think you are. DO NOT BE YOURSELF.